The Journey - Part 4

"Mrs. First Name"

#13 started taking some notes about them till the storm of childhood memories was settling down in their minds. He was always bit extra careful with female candidates because of his never ending hope of understanding women. These three were wise ones, so he took more notes than usual. He knew that childhood is reflection of what one can be and not one is. The most innocent soul of a child demands flying in the sky without fearing the wind, clouds and distance from ground. Unfortunately, the fear becomes bigger and the soul smaller as time passes. Obliviousness is best part of childhood. As we grow, we are in such a hurry to shut the doors before wind touches us, we search for the umbrella before clouds pour on us and we fly only in our dreams which we can’t remember the next morning. Practicality and imagination are inversely proportional. We protect ourselves in order to get longer life – ironically a longer life without wings.

#13 finalized his next question.

“Should I go for the next question if you are done wandering in the past?”

“Past is good place to visit but not to stay, let’s go to the next question “, this kind of quote had to come from a professor.

“Yes please, it is painful to visit happy memory. It is hard to accept you never felt the same way again”. Mrs. Sarpotdar sighed.

“Okay then, here is my next question and it comes with fancy choices – If I give you a chance to 1) delete a day in your life OR 2) to relive a day differently then, which one would it be? Who will start this time?”

Anu reacted fiercely “Oh come on, give us a minute, it is not as easy as picking up a favorite memory”

Suman was disappointed with difficult question, “I hate making choice, choices make life harder, and besides I have years to delete or relive. A day won’t make much difference.”

#13 “Think harder Suman, in those months there is a day when you made a choice you didn’t like, that’s your answer”.

Anu and Suman were confused but Mrs. Sarpotdar was quite as if she had her answer figured out in a moment. She was sure about the day she picked but not sure about sharing it with everyone.

Nobody talked for another minute or two , but it felt like forever. That silence was dominating, you could almost hear their minds; choices colliding with each other to win first place.  Battles against yourself are hardest to fight. Win or lose, either way you have to go against yourself.

Mrs. Sarpotdar realized that she was thinking too much and could not take decision about telling everyone, maybe she was out of practice for a long time. She didn’t had to even decide the menu of lunch or dinner at home. Mr. Sarpotdar being a rich man hired experts for everything.

#13 broke the silence “Come on ladies, accept the fact that you have already died. My questions was ‘IF I give you a chance’, does not mean you are actually getting any chance. Think like this, you just have to suggest which saree you will buy for someone else, but do not have to think much since you are not the one to wear it.”

Anu giggled, “Bad example #13! You are really underestimating woman’s love for clothes”

“I wore sarees for 45 years, my god, I hated it”, Mrs. Sarpotdar suddenly surprised herself when she heard herself.

“Then why didn’t you wear something else?” Anu asked innocently.

Mrs. Sarpotdar actually paused a second and said to herself “Seriously, why not?”

 “Please don’t divert the topic now, and choose a day, we will have Q and A time later for finding out reasons of your dressing choices”, #13 interrupted with little irritation.

Mrs. Sarpotdar made up her mind to let everyone into her life for that one day, she liked this group, she trusted them with her vulnerabilities.

“Okay, I would like to relive a day rather than deleting it, we need to go back in time … almost 40 years.

Like every other newly married couple, I was on top of the world wondering if I deserved so much happiness. Too much of happiness is cursed with fear of losing it.

Neel had seen me in college and right after his graduation. He came directly to my parents to ask if he could marry me. I was junior to him. He was smart, intelligent and filthy rich. There was no chance my father was going to reject his proposal. My mother was little skeptical about putting me through marriage at such an early age. But then Neel made promise to her that he will let me pursue anything I want. He had the knack of winning someone’s heart. It was inbuilt in him. He always knew what to say, what to do and when to charm people with his killing smile.  If diplomacy was an art, he was a master.

I was zoned that day. I almost didn’t come out of my room after morning. Our maids thought I was sad or upset, but I knew I was not. I was watering the plants in backyard in the morning. Geeta – our maid was breastfeeding her new born. She was also teaching her three year old daughter - Manasi how to count till 10.  I knew how good she was at multitasking. Manasi was as charming as Geeta was. Her dusky skin and dark eyes made her look sharp. She was curious about everything she saw around. I could see that she was not in mood in learn numbers that day. She wanted to sit on Geeta’s lap, and maybe she was just jealous of her sibling. Geeta tried to convince her, hit her, and bribe her with something to eat, but no luck. Manasi was sure what she wanted. Geeta finally made some space for her and accommodated her world in the arms. Manasi’s face was all dirty with her fake tears but looked so damn good with a winnings egoistic smile. She was now trying to put her palms on new born’s feet and signing a poem for him. New born was calmly asleep already as if it nothing happened around him. Geeta was just busy looking out for both of them. I could see a perfect frame on my canvas. Believe me Mr.13, if someone would have asked me what heaven was, I would have shown them expression on Manasi’s face. It was love, ego, satisfaction, curiosity, care…. merged into each other like strokes on canvas. I think Ego is the purest form of emotion any living soul can possess.

I knew what I wanted to paint next, even before finishing my current painting. People say artists need to be lucky, but I think it is other way round. Not every piece of art is lucky enough to be made with passion. Only lucky ones get a peek in artist’s soul.

Someone knocked at my room’s door. It was Geeta to remind me about business party at our home.

It was time to get ready.  ‘Beauty personified’, Neel said staring and locking eyes with me in the mirror. I had to look that beautiful. After all, I was Mrs. Sarpotdar for the world now. That name carried the reputation.  Neel noticed that my attention was divided. I just smiled, I didn’t wish to ruin his romantic moment by talking about Manasi.

Elegance was other name of that party. The clothes, the jewelry, the conversations, the expressions, the body movements, everything was just so tantalizing for me. I won’t call it fake, all people in that party were born with royalty and class. They didn’t know any other way to be.

A lady caught my eye, she was having champagne, and her smile was telling her story. She was bored to death!  I am generally not very good at small talk, but she had something which made me conformable at that moment, so I walked and greeted.

“Hello, I am Mrs.Sarpotdar”.

“Ohh! Neel’s wife. Nice to meet you. I am Nisha”

I still had question mark on my face, as if her name didn’t give complete introduction.

She didn’t tell me more than just a name, she just smiled and left me with my curiosity.

“I am not used to such parties and I saw you standing alone here, so thought I will introduce myself”

“I am glad you did. But let tell you that you will never get used to such parties. I can see it’s not your thing, what do you do?”

“I was studying and now I am married. Since Neel has hired help for everything around this house, I don’t have much to do. I am afraid I am not doing anything but being expert at laziness”

“Okay, then let me rephrase my question, what do you like to do?” She smiled as if she knew me.

“I like painting”

“Oh I see. You’re a painter, that’s something!”

“I can hardly call myself to be a painter, it is just my hobby”

“Do you realize if you are terribly thirsty when you paint?”

“No”

“There! It is not just your hobby. Can I see your paintings, if you don’t mind?”

“Sure, I will be glad. I will just tell Neelkanth that we are upstairs in attic, we have not found a good place for them. They are just trying to fit in here, just like me.”

We went upstairs. I could see that she was awestruck by my work. Suddenly I felt like sharing the concept of my next painting with her. She listened to me without interrupting, I could see that she got what I was trying to say. Nothing can be compared to the feeling when people get you without having to explain.

“Sounds great! So, when are you starting it?”

“I can’t wait to start it. I would have locked myself in the room right now, if this party wasn’t there.”

“I can understand”

“I think you can. I am so sorry, I didn’t ask, what do you do?”

“I am in advertising”

“I thought so, rather I was sure you will be from creative field.”

“Well, I’m not as creative as you are, but I have got a good eye for talent, I recruit creative people.”

“That’s sound so exciting”

She smiled.

“Well , if you think that you want to explore more on painting you know , sell them or have exhibition or just meet folks like you , give me a call. I can introduce you in art circle.”

“I will tell you if I feel like it”.

“Why artists have to feel everything every time and not just go with it”, she laughed.

“It is a blessing and a curse”.

Strange but It was kind of enough for me that someone was taking a note of me, I didn’t care if it was praise or criticism. I liked Nisha.

Party was over, I was very excited to tell Neel (Yes, he loved me calling him Neel when we were alone) about meeting Nisha and how she thought my art was worthy of an exhibition. Neel had a peg or two that night. He came to the bedroom and smiled,

“So, how was your first party Mrs. Sarpotdar?”

“It was fabulous”. I could lie to him since I knew he was too busy to notice I was bored.

“Don’t you think I deserve a reward for throwing such a party for introducing you to my world?”, he charming romantic husky voice melted in my ears. I could hear his breath.

I broke the silence which actually lasted only for a second but felt like longer. Romance seizes the time.

“You know what Neel, I met Nisha today, the one from advertising firm”. Neel just said “hmmm” locking eyes with me and pulling me closer.

“Do you really want to discuss about another woman when I am in such a romantic mood?”

I felt ashamed to bring the topic at wrong time. How immature of me, I thought. I smiled. The night was magical. Life was perfect, now I look back and wonder if I really understood the meaning of perfect.”

#13 was impatient, he could not believe that she chose a happy day to relive differently.

“Mrs. Sarpotdar, I must say I am a bit disappointed in your choice of the day, I didn’t find anything special about this one.”

Suman asked #13 “Tell me if you ever seen a kid walking in the park, not playing but just walking?”

 “Of course I have”

 “Ever wondered how many days he has been walking?”

 “Why would I do that? Walking is such a basic thing”

“So, if you see a kid walking right now, you would think that what an ordinary day he is having, right?”

“I know you are a professor, but you may skip the example and jump to the moral Miss Suman”

Suman laughed on #13 ‘s frustration “ A kid might have learnt walking just that day and he must be feeling so wonderful by just walking cause he got over his fear to fall down while standing up and taking that step. He might be having the bestest day of his life in that moment”

#13 “and the moral is ….”

“There is no moral here Mr. # 13, inner struggle is barely visible to eyes and so is inner victory. It’s not the day but probably our sight is ordinary”

Anu was excited, “Mrs. Sarpotdar, did you tell your husband the next morning about your new painting?”

“No, he was late for his business meeting so I waited till evening and then he had made reservations for dinner at a five star hotel, followed by a movie. I didn’t find the right moment”

“Then? But I almost saw all the paintings in your house, but I could not see the one you are talking about”

“You are right Anu. I never completed that painting. I hope #13 doesn’t feel disappointed in my choice of the day now”. Mrs Sarpotdar stressed on ‘now’ like she was hurt.

“An incomplete dream.” Suman said to herself as if she knew the pain behind a broken wish.

“But, why didn’t you complete it?” Anu asked innocently. She never knew how not to follow passion. For her, there wasn’t any other way to live life.

Mrs. Sarpotar knew the answer. But when you tell the truth to others, you too have to hear it back, you have to believe your own words. You cannot run away from them. Saying out loud makes it more real.

“I got busy …” she paused for a second to gather some courage to complete the sentence.

“I got busy with life” she said bluntly. It was the truth. She had got busy being happy.

#13 liked the stories which were to the point. Mrs. Sarpotdar was off the track. As a host of the quiz, he thought it was his responsibility to make sure everyone was on track. “Okay, that makes sense, but why do you want to relive this day differently Mrs. Sarpotdar?”

“You saw my house and you said you liked it, right? Well, you would have also seen our family pictures”

“Yes, you all looked so happy in those”

“He was a good photographer.”

“Again, why you want to relive that day?” #13 was little irritated as he still could not find the point.

“Do you remember my first name? I know you don’t. Many didn’t. I am used to it. I stopped being Neelima that day and started being Mrs. Sarpotdar.  I said I never found the right time to tell Neel about the concept of the painting. That was not true. I could not make any time right. Every time I tried, Neel used to be all romantic with me and I used to give in because I felt so lucky all the time that I had such loving and romantic and caring husband. And he was, he loved me like no one else did. He did everything to make me happy.

I wish I relive that day, I wish Neel would have sat in front of me , and listened to what I had to say about the painting , I wish he had made that moment right , I wish he could have let me be myself. I wish he would have let artist in me dominate over role of his wife. I wish he would have trusted me to be more than just a pretty lady.  That day turned my life into a fairy tale when I wanted to be just human. He made me feel like a queen of that mansion. And I believed that I wanted to be the queen, I wish I would not have.”

She took a pause and gathered herself quickly. She had taught herself to cry without tears.

“Mr. 13, remember the painting from my childhood memory, a guy sitting on the shore? I was living my most favorite painting my whole life and irony is that, I didn’t know I was.”

Anu was a straightforward spontaneous thinker, life was black and white for her. She instantly hated Mr. Neelkanth Sarpotdar. He was villain in the story now. His mansion seemed like a golden cage. She suddenly gave warm hug to Mrs. Sarpotdar.

Suman sarcastically smiled, Mrs. Sarpotdar was right in front of her who had a loving loyal husband and kids and grandkids and yet she was not happy. Now Suman was sure about her day to relive differently that moment.

#13 was serious again, “Okay, I am convinced that you chose the right day and I wish you would have completed that painting , but you know what , I will tell Chitragupta to add you in our art circle. You can complete your painting there. You won’t be freed until you get rid of your regrets from earth.”

Mrs. Sarpotdar was back to normal, a weight was lifted off her mind. She asked “I don’t understand how all this is going to help us remember how we died? I am nowhere close to that moment.”

Anu agreed, “Yes, I think #13 is just making us talk for his entertainment and this quiz is just a trap.”

#13 replied furiously “I am going to give a feedback to head of our generation department. Why every woman has to be an over thinker? Why try to be two steps ahead of everything? Can’t you just go along?”

Anu laughed hard, she and #13 had made a strange bond by now - love and hate.

#13 looked at her “Besides Anu , I have enough material for my blog and it is already pretty popular in heaven for my sense of humor. You stories don’t fit into my type of writing you know.”

 “Ok ok , chill Mr. 13 , you better ask us a funny question next time ! Suman aunty, do you want to be the next one to relive the day in your life?”

“Yes. I am ready” suman said with total lack of confidence.